Lessons from Yack

Lesson 1: 
Learning Grace with a Squirrel Mop!

(aka, loosening up!)

If you've read my first post for May, you know I recently headed to Yackandandah to attend a Beginners Intensive in watercolour painting with Charles Sluga, an artist whose work I greatly admire.

To call his course an 'Intensive' was most certainly not an understatement! It. Was. Intense. The painting classes and the 'toe dip' into watercolour techniques, colour theory and perspective was fantastic!!! Every time we learnt something new, I felt myself grinning like Goofy, my mind excited and alive! ...What I found intense about the Intensive, was me. Once upon a time, I took pride in my perfectionist streak. I know a 'spirit of excellence' is a good thing, but over the years, I've come to realise that my perfectionism is actually rooted in a deep fear of failure that paralyses me, controls my decisions and starves my life of freedom and grace to create, to explore and be adventurous. I also wrestle with control - with needing to feel in control of my life and heart - and although my Daddy God has been teaching me about this, it became very apparent (!!!) that I still have issues with control and He still has more He wants to teach me!

The course ran for five days. Monday, I was on Cloud 9, in awe of the fact that I was actually back in an art room taking art classes! On Tuesday, reality hit. Each painting exercise we were given, every time I added water to pigment and attempted to paint what was being shown, things would happen that I couldn't control: the water would run in messy rivulets across my paper, the paint would bleed and spread where it wasn't supposed to, and I couldn't stop it! I sat and watched in dismay and the perfectionist in me started to freak out and stress. Every time our teacher, or another student, walked passed my space, I felt as though they saw each fault and mistake and were judging me. By the end of the day I was a mess! Wednesday wasn't much better. I was so upset and discouraged. Perfectionism. Fear of failure. Control.

I headed to my motel room Wednesday night determined to get my Heavenly Father's perspective... funny, but the reading material I'd brought with me was Creflo Dollar's new book "Overcoming Fear". I spent hours that night reading Creflo's book, chewing on the Word and getting into my mind and heart what my Daddy God has to say about me... and I fell asleep so encouraged by my Father and His beautiful Promises! :-)

When I woke up Thursday morning, I was reminded of something Charles has said to us the day before in the middle of demonstrating a wet-into-wet technique. As he painted he remarked, 'Just let the water and the paint do their thing. The less you touch it, the more pure and vibrant the colours will be." I got to thinking about his words as I prepared for class that day and realised that his words were true, in a way, of our lives. The less I touch my life and the more I let go and allow God to work, the more pure and vibrant will be the colours of my life, and the more beautiful the picture He is able to paint.

That morning, I chose to let go of control and "Nike," as I would say ('just do it!'). I headed to class determined to simply have fun creating and being free, and forget about trying to produce a perfect painting.

 You know what happened that day, dear friend? I really did let go and "just do it!". Literally! I took hold of my largest squirrel mop brush, dumped water and paint in my pallette and started to paint from a place of grace (no performance mentality, no fear of failure, no perfectionist trying to control the outcomes). 

And you know what? I had FUN! Loads of fun! My neat little perfect work space ended up a mess as I threw and splattered paint around ...The studio floor, the gallery walls, me, all of my equipment and anyone passing by, all got splattered with paint! 

At the end of the day, as I stood back and looked at the finished painting, I was surprised by what I saw: when I finally let go and allowed myself to paint from a place of grace and freedom, not only did I have loads of fun, but I also created a piece I was proud of! And for me, who usually sees nothing by the faults in anything I do, that was a big call. 

An artist from another time once wrote, 

"A work of art is the trace of a magnificent struggle." Robert Henri

The painting I did that day wasn't without its imperfections, but I loved that I could see in it both the struggle and the joy and freedom I had poured into its creation. 

As I stood there, admiring my efforts for the first time all week, I thought to myself, "I should frame this."

One day, I will. 

Because I know that even though I have so much more to learn about grace, every time I look at that picture I'll be reminded of my own 'magnificent struggle' and the grace to explore and create that I learnt with a squirrel mop in Yack.