Classic Moves
In June last year, as I thought back on a conversation I'd had with Pastor Ulli, I realised that many times in my life I've found myself pursuing interests or doing things that weren't really "me". They were other people's interests, or they were the trends or popular things to do. Going to the gym, for instance. For a while there, I was practically a certified 'gym junkie'! I loved the gym and I really loved all the friends I made at my local gym and the fitness goals I hit during my time there... but if I am to be brutally honest, it was largely something I pursued to "keep up with the Jones's" and to try and seek the approval of others.
That conversation really got me thinking!
What was 'me'? Who was I? If I was to pursue past-times and hobbies that were true to who I am, who God made me to be with my unique personality and interests, what would they be? What other things had I been doing to win the acceptance and approval of others?
It didn't take me very long at all to figure out that if I was to do something fun that was true to who I am - and not care what others thought - it would be ballet. Ballet. I have no idea why, but for some reason I have always been crazy about ballet! I still remember the first ballet I ever watched on my parents' little black and white TV, and I've lost count of the number of times I heard, "Stop doing ballet in the kitchen!" from mum, when I was caught practising as a young girl. When I couldn't dance, I wrote poems about ballet dancers, did essays for school on famous dancers, and spent hours over the years reading biographies and drawing sketches of ballerinas. And I've wanted to go back to ballet classes for over TWO decades!
Truth is, my insecurities and the lies I was believing about myself and my body - 'too fat to be a dancer' or 'you'll be twice as old as the other dancers and look ridiculous' - kept me from pursuing a pastime I once loved deeply.
Last year, I got plain-old tired of allowing my life to be ruled by my insecurities and I enrolled in an adult ballet class. Though I have to admit, discovering my class mates were all in their 60's and 70's certainly helped me conquer my insecurities! :)
For weeks I found the classes mentally exhausting and wondered if I would ever get the hang of simple things I once did with ease as a child. What was a tendu again, and how did I execute a pas de bourrée? When I came across this video from I Love Lucy I could relate so well to her antics that it had me in stitches!
Perhaps I do look as crazy as Lucy at times, but you know what? I'm finally learning to just have fun and do my own variation of the jive she breaks into, mid lesson!
Oh, I still catch myself feeling insecure every now and then when I fall into the trap of comparing myself to the other students, but I'm learning to refuse to participate in the insecurity and to do things in life that starve the insecurities rather than feed them. Best of all, every week I now have a source of exercise and relaxation that positively delights me! I am finding so much fun and pleasure in pursuing the interests and desires God has placed in my heart! :)
Until I next write, may God bless you abundantly as you too learn to live out of the beautiful, precious and wonderfully unique personality He gifted you with! :)
Love Laur
That conversation really got me thinking!
What was 'me'? Who was I? If I was to pursue past-times and hobbies that were true to who I am, who God made me to be with my unique personality and interests, what would they be? What other things had I been doing to win the acceptance and approval of others?
It didn't take me very long at all to figure out that if I was to do something fun that was true to who I am - and not care what others thought - it would be ballet. Ballet. I have no idea why, but for some reason I have always been crazy about ballet! I still remember the first ballet I ever watched on my parents' little black and white TV, and I've lost count of the number of times I heard, "Stop doing ballet in the kitchen!" from mum, when I was caught practising as a young girl. When I couldn't dance, I wrote poems about ballet dancers, did essays for school on famous dancers, and spent hours over the years reading biographies and drawing sketches of ballerinas. And I've wanted to go back to ballet classes for over TWO decades!
Truth is, my insecurities and the lies I was believing about myself and my body - 'too fat to be a dancer' or 'you'll be twice as old as the other dancers and look ridiculous' - kept me from pursuing a pastime I once loved deeply.
Last year, I got plain-old tired of allowing my life to be ruled by my insecurities and I enrolled in an adult ballet class. Though I have to admit, discovering my class mates were all in their 60's and 70's certainly helped me conquer my insecurities! :)
For weeks I found the classes mentally exhausting and wondered if I would ever get the hang of simple things I once did with ease as a child. What was a tendu again, and how did I execute a pas de bourrée? When I came across this video from I Love Lucy I could relate so well to her antics that it had me in stitches!
Perhaps I do look as crazy as Lucy at times, but you know what? I'm finally learning to just have fun and do my own variation of the jive she breaks into, mid lesson!
Oh, I still catch myself feeling insecure every now and then when I fall into the trap of comparing myself to the other students, but I'm learning to refuse to participate in the insecurity and to do things in life that starve the insecurities rather than feed them. Best of all, every week I now have a source of exercise and relaxation that positively delights me! I am finding so much fun and pleasure in pursuing the interests and desires God has placed in my heart! :)
Until I next write, may God bless you abundantly as you too learn to live out of the beautiful, precious and wonderfully unique personality He gifted you with! :)
Love Laur
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