Dare To Live Fully
I once read in a leadership book that the places of greatest potential in our world are cemeteries. Incredible un-tapped potential, taken to the grave. The thought struck a chord.
In June last year, I began a colour sketch. I hadn't picked up a pencil to draw in a very long time; hadn't attempted anything serious for over a decade. I was curious. Could I still draw?
I decided I would try a gumtree. I headed to my local art supply store, purchased good quality sketching paper; roughed out a sketch to figure out the direction of my light source (from which angle the sun would be hitting the tree) and the resulting shadows and shading. When I was relatively happy with the rough sketch, I began.
I remembered.
Every technique I had acquired growing up.
I invented.
How could I make the long bluegum leaves just so? No idea. So I explored and invented my own techniques.
I realised.
More than anything, I realised I had forgotten. I had forgotten the INCREDIBLE pleasure drawing used to bring me: the delightful challenge of creating the precise colours I longed to reproduce; of achieving the exact effect I needed. I had forgotten the delight of seeing a picture unfold on paper.
I will never be a world renown artist, or even a very good one, and yet as my drawing took shape I found myself becoming more and more surprised by and pleased with my efforts! I guess I hadn't lost it altogether.
I've lost count of the number of times I've studied that incomplete picture, longing to finish it. Yep. Actually longing to finish it. I've had time. I've had opportunity. I've had the desire. Yet it still sits there.
Why???
Fear. Unadulterated fear. Of failure. Rooted in perfectionism. I like what I've drawn so far. What if I wreck it when I attempt to add in the background? The rolling hills and gently flowing stream, the distant horizon; all missing because I'm deeply afraid that if I attempt them, I will fail and ruin what I've already done. Better to leave the picture half-finished, with a well-drawn gum tree, than ruin the whole thing because I fail to capture the life of the scene I envisage behind that tree. Right?
I know what God has to say about fear. I know He gave 365 verses on fear. One for every day of the twelve months I've sat with this unfinished picture. I know it is God who created us with gifts and abilities and the Holy Spirit who can empower and 'up-skill' us. Even for creative pursuits. Especially for creative pursuits. The whole time I was drawing the tree itself, doubtful I could still sketch, I was encouraged by those verses in Exodus and Leviticus that talk about God giving ability and 'creative wisdom' and skill to the artists who designed and created the Tabernacle. God is the author of creativity. The Divine Inspirer of all things creative and beautiful. I know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). And yet, still I falter.
As I studied that unfinished drawing for the um-teenth time today, it occurred to me this picture is representative of every time I allow perfectionism and my fear of failure to limit me and to keep me from taking risks and living 'fully alive'. Perhaps the background won't attain to the standard I'm longing to achieve. Unfinished, it taunts me. And fear wins. Finished, however imperfectly, I have lived so long as I have given myself permission to just have fun and enjoy the process and to take pleasure in whatever result I produce! It's all about Grace. And loving ourselves faults and imperfections and all. About being okay with the fact that we're not perfect.
I really struggle with these things. But I want to learn. And I know tackling that picture and enjoying the process, will be good practice for me! What about you, dear friend? What fears have crept in to keep you from reaching your FULL potential??? I know what I'll be doing tomorrow! :-)
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